On health care, Influenza, and guilt

I got sick on December 22nd. My Vertigo came back (joy!). When you have Vertigo you’re sick for a very long time. Especially if you’re a stay-at-home mom. Because when you’re a full-time mommy you can’t call in sick. Once in a while my husband, Rick, will come home early if I’m too sick to handle Sam anymore, but mostly I’m on my own. And Sam gets the short end.

 In addition to the Vertigo, I also became very depressed on the loss of my very crappy but extremely necessary part-time night job. Then my anxiety went into full swing. If you have anxiety you know what I mean. If not, really, all you think about is, “How am I going to die?” and “What will happen to my baby when I do?”. So after all this I started paying more attention to the heart/chest pain that I’d been having since the summer. They had done a full swing heart test, complete with the old man-type treadmill run, but found nothing. I was told that it was anxiety and to basically get over it. But when I’m anxious I feel cold and clammy. Not in pain. And it happens when I exercise or bend over – not when I’m scared or stressed. Anyway, so I decided it was time to go back in and they gave me a full run down, CAT scan, X-ray, etc. And they couldn’t find one thing wrong. Except anxiety. And I can’t afford anxiety meds.

So this whole month went by and I felt like crap for most of the days. SUCKED out loud. Really. And the whole time I was complaining Ricky got more and more sick of me being sick of being sick… And he stopped being doting and sweet. And then I got angry because, really, it was no one’s fault that I felt yucky for a whole month straight and who else to blame than when your husband is being kind of a jerk and not taking care of you like he siad he would when you were sick. And that hurt my feelings. So I started wishing he’d get sick so that I could show him how it feels. And I told him so.

My sweet Ricky has Influenza A. Yep. My “wishes” came true and he’s sicker than he has EVER been, ever before in his life. And now my heart is heavy with guilt and shame and it’s all I can do to keep from crying in front of him. And now I’m doting on him like he was the King of the world. (Well, he is my world, but still…)

And now to gripe some more about prescription medication costs. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Not only can I not afford birth control and anxiety meds that I need both of – the birth control due to my P.C.O.S. (another time…), but now in addition to the $55 bucks a month we have to spend on Sam’s asthma meds, today I had to buy $70 worth of flu medications and pain relief for my sweet man who’s so sick. And there was just no way that I wasn’t going to buy that. AND WE PAY $400/MONTH FOR INSURANCE TO TOP IT ALL OFF!!!

So, to sum up: I’m a sick-o mess, a bad wife, my husband is sicker than a dog which means Sam is all mine for 7 days and Rick is out of work for 5, and we’re even more broke than we started out.  Thank God for the foresight to get flu shots for me and Sam. Please LORD keep us well. Oh how could we both take care of Sick Sam when we’re that sick, too?

***Please, please pray that my sweet man gets better quickly. Please, please, please pray that my baby boy stays well. And please pray that I stay healthy, too. Please. ***

I found some info on how YOU can avoid the flu:

#1. Wash your hands. All the freaking time. With hot water and soap or, if you have to, antibacterial stuff.

#2. Lysol the crap out of your house. I have done this twice a day for the past two days. Everywhere that gets touched a lot like light switches, the thermostat, remote controls, TV’s, phones, door knobs, the microwave, stove, fridge handles, sink faucets, etc.

#3. Have the sick person blow his nose/cough into a tissue and then wash his hands right away

#4 When Rick comes out of the bedroom he wears a face mask in front of Sam. I got a bunch for free at the clinic. They’re available for the taking.

#4. Rest. A lot.

#5 Don’t forget Vitamin C on top of your other multivitamin. Remember that strawberries and tomatoes are just as great (if not better than) oranges and kiwis.

#6. Keep your hands out of your mouth, eyes, and ears.

#7. Read all my blogs. Ok that one’s optional.

Ok if I’m not back in awhile you’ll know why. 

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