Venting. Again…

Money beats me up. Daily. Beats me down. Throws me down stairs. It’s like in the Freddie Kruger movies. You can’t see the monster when the kids are sleeping, but you can see the blood. Freddy Kruger comes to my house a lot – in the form of money. It tears us up. It makes this hole. It rips me and Ricky apart. No longer one but halves. And it puts a sad face up for Sam to see.

We rely on our tax refunds to make it through the year. The federal goes to all others (this year including moving) and the state goes to the energy bill. The energy bill is big this time. We didn’t have heat for three months of Wisconsin winters and we heated the house with space heaters. Rick’s college took all that money. And he never even got to graduate because we couldn’t make it with him in school. And we were paying them what they asked for. And I feel stolen from. And I feel hopeless. And I wish that being poor, really poor was different than what I thought it would be as a newly married couple. I thought that I only would have to endure it for a year or two. Not five. At first it was fun, challenging. It’s not so fun anymore.

You see, it turns out that when you start off poor you only ever get more poor. And then your health suffers. And then your kids suffer. Sam sleeps next to mold every night. I clean it and clean it but it always comes back. And my electricity is going to be shut off. And why can’t we get the miracles I always hear about? I keep asking God why we are meant for this. Are we such a-holes that if we were to ever get money we’d be jerks?

I’m searching for houses. Literally. Like, the list is here. Right here in front of me. And I can’t find a thing. Except for an upper apartment in someone’s house. And an apartment complex in the crappiest part of town.

I don’t have anymore to say. Freddy Kruger sucks. And money sucks more. I hate money. I can’t wait to live free from money. I can’t wait to be free.

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4 Responses

  1. […] Kellie wrote an interesting post today on Venting. Againâ¦Here’s a quick excerptWe rely on our tax refunds to make it through the year. The federal goes to all others (this year including moving) and the state goes to the energy bill. The energy bill is big this time. We didn’t have heat for three months of … […]

  2. I hope that things get better soon!

  3. Thank you, Carissah! So sweet!

  4. Hey girl! Hang in there. It does suck when you have those days. When i lost my job at the firm nearly a year ago now we went from one lifestyle to the polar opposite. It wasn’t a gradual decline either it was today we’re wealthy tomorrow we’re dead broke! LOL… we were really freaking out. I thought that we would lose the house and everything! Then… we went to our pastor- who was the head financial man for a bank in his prior life- and he really helped us out to get an accurate account of our spending, what we owe’d here & there, how to pay things off, etc. We were both really prideful and didn’t want to do it but we had no choice we swore we were going in the hole and there was no way out. I could not get re-employed in my trade- interior design- because of the terrible decline in our housing market wiping out jobs all over the trade. I was having anxiety attacks, barry wasn’t sleeping. We were stressed! But the pastor took one look at our situation and showed us a way out. Praise God! So we did that. That’s when my beloved SUV was sold. Although that wasn’t the total anwer to our $$ issues. We have continued to work our way back from the abyss. I promise one day when you look back at this you’ll see the good things that come from it. I can say that it honestly brought barry & I closer together because we had to be a great team and keep each other in check. Most of what we did was pray-pray-pray for the Lord to reveal to us what we should do to get back on the right track and outta where we were. If there’s anything i can do to help you please let me know!

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