I wish I was a better mom.
I wish I watched less TV. I wish I ordered less pizza. I wish I read the Bible more. I wish I was more patient with my son, more gentle with my husband, had more time for my dog. I wish I called my best friend more often and never sent birthday cards out late.
I wish I journaled more than two days in a row. I wish I could stick with my diet. I wish I could find JOY in my at-work job and more joy in pre-schooling Sam. I wish I went outside more, sewed more, cleaned more deeply, cooked more often. I wish I was always on time with bills and always had enough to pay them. I wish I would never fall asleep while Sam watched cartoons in the morning and woke up to find that he’s been watching them for three hours (oh yeah, it happens!).
I wish I always flossed.
I wish I could be more forgiving of my family, of my friends. Especially my husband. I wish I could forget it all.
I wish my hair would stop falling out and that at 29 my teenage zits would go away.I wish my boobs were perky again. I wish I hadn’t made that pledge to never again dye my hair or paint my nails. I wish I didn’t have to shave everyday. I wish I didn’t have to shave EVERYTHING everyday…
I wish I had a pretty winter coat with all of its buttons. I wish I could find shoes that fit. I wish I had a savings account and a college fund for Sam and a 401K. I wish my parents had taught me about money and I wish that Rick and I weren’t so bad with it.
I wish I hadn’t given my two favorite people the flu.
I wish the snow hadn’t knocked down a power line. I wish I had cleaned better for the landlord to come over tomorrow. I wish we had moved into an apartment.
I wish our new baby was here instead of not here at all – not even a little bit yet. I wish I wasn’t fat so I could not worry about another pregnancy.
I wish I could give all my worries away. Instead of holding on to them because I think that gives me control. I wish we were already there. Already perfect. Already Home. Already Whole.
Today was a good day. A really pretty good day. And those are still all the regrets I had. So anyway, you’re not alone. We’re all the same. I wish every mom could know that we are all the same.