To be special

I just had this amazing epiphany. Not amazing to most, I’m sure, but I’m quite daft sometimes and this is huge for me. lol Since high school I have struggled with being a woman of faith. To me it seemed like such a contrast of terms. The Bible is written around men. Jesus, God, the Spririt were all referred to as men, “wives submit to your husbands”, I wanted to be a pastor and couldn’t, etc. And I struggled, man. Hard. I remember nights when I would sit in my room and cry, “God, why am I a woman! I know you will never love me as much as if I had been a man!” And I was angry. And that anger turned into indifference and then sadness. And now at this turning point that I’ve been coming to lately – since God told me I’d have Sam even with the infertility – I’ve grown into faith. By that I mean that I’ve found solace in knowing that I pretty much know crap and that my little human brain couldn’t hardly explain or understand everything and to just leave it up to God and to accept the love I can get. (At least the Creator loves me, right? Even if it IS less!)

But that’s just not the case. I just read Luke 7:12-13. And all day – even before this – I’ve been quietly thinking about the love that God has for women, including me, and how maybe, just maybe he created them special. And I read this verse, “As he approached the gate a dead person was being carried out – the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, ‘Don’t cry.'” And it hit me like a bolt of lightning. Kellie, you are special. Not with less worth or brains or holiness. God made women special. Even in Genesis God compares men and women of equal value. (Gen 1:27) I think that Jesus was like most men in that He just grew crazy uncomfortable when He saw a woman cry. And would do anything to make the pain stop. And I think that He saw value in a woman’s perspective and plight and kept them around Him – one holy and one reformed – to give Him a woman’s perspective because He wanted to save everyone, not just men. And there are probably reasons why there are so few stories like this in the Bible. The stories that would have been fantastic to know were probably seen like it didn’t matter to record because women weren’t ever going to be able to read anyway due to laws that placed a significantly less value on a woman’s life. But that was a human law, not a Godly law. God told men to love their wives and to treat them like they are jewels. And men are really screwing this up for God because it turns women away from Him by making it seem like He loves them less. God made women to be kept holy. And beautifully cared for. God treats us like the best father would treat his girls – crazy protective and cherished. He sees us not as irrational, or stupid, or withot authority. In fact He has enabled so many of us to rule households because we have been treated unkindly and left alone as widows (or cheated on, ect.) like this poor womn and He would do anything to stop our pain.

One more thing. I always wanted Jesus to have been a female because if the world had seen that then things might be different today for us. More fair and more kind. But it only took me a while (even at 15 years old) to realize that if Jesus HAD been a woman no one would have listened to him. He would have been seen as a witch. I mean, He only got so far in this world as it was with all the rules He broke and so forth.

I’m sure that I’m not the only one who’s ever struggled with this. I hope that if your heart has been hurt by what the WORLD tells us of how God sees us you pray on it and let the LORD mend your heart and speak the truth into your soul. I know it took me about 13 years so… give it time. 🙂 God loves you, dear woman. He chose different DNA rules for you. He gave you a heart of gentleness and servititude. He gave us even the better of the punishments – to work the fields all our lives or to feel (a lot!) of pain during birth. I’m sorry but I’d take that pain anyday before plowing pains, aching feet, etc. He gave us children. He gave men us (poor things). He cherishes the way we see the world – with simpleness and kindness and appreciation for all things lovely. Are we His favorites? No. God loves us all the same. ”We all have sinned and have gone astray”. Hello. That means us all. We’re all pretty crappy most times, but Jesus loves us all the same. And He loves men for their pride and strength and perseverance. And we all have these strengths. I’m especially not one to be sexist here. But God made us different than men. Because He wanted gentleness, too. And I’m glad I got to be the girl. And I’m glad my Heavenly Daddy – the King of all – loves me. Hey. I’m a princess.

And so are you.

Be blessed.